http://www.reillymaginn.com/2008/11/03/grateful/ Featuring Reilly Maginn - Author of recently released paperback hit "Bio" Tue, 09 Mar 2010 21:37:12 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 http://www.reillymaginn.com/2008/11/03/grateful/comment-page-1/#comment-13 Terri Mon, 24 Nov 2008 19:49:52 +0000 http://www.reillymaginn.com/?p=75#comment-13 Very unpredictable ending. I rather liked it. Completely different take than what you would expect...both the organ harvesting and the reaction of the unaware donor. I agree with Nolan though that something different is needed in the booth part. The story flows well before and after, but that one paragraph seems off. Very unpredictable ending. I rather liked it. Completely different take than what you would expect…both the organ harvesting and the reaction of the unaware donor. I agree with Nolan though that something different is needed in the booth part. The story flows well before and after, but that one paragraph seems off.

]]> http://www.reillymaginn.com/2008/11/03/grateful/comment-page-1/#comment-12 J. Nolan White Mon, 24 Nov 2008 17:55:54 +0000 http://www.reillymaginn.com/?p=75#comment-12 Nice surprise at the conclusion of this story. The protagonist changes, always a prerequisite for a good story, thus enhancing our acceptance of him as one of us. It also taps a universal theme of forgiveness and redemption. But allow me a few minor corrections in the story. Okay is wrongly spelled OK earlier. Also, at the beginning of the fourth paragraph (My pot holed, rutted, twisting road) could be eliminated. I kept re-reading it, wondering why his pot had holes in it. It's a distraction. And at the end of that same paragraph, say "I was grateful" so that a better transition can be made to the next paragraph where you could open by saying, "Until last week when I was sitting...." I don't like "But wait. There's more to the story." It reminds me of some actor during a movie who turns and looks straight into the camera, addressing the viewer during a story. Only Steve Martin could get away with that. Again, it's distracting. Another suggestion relates to show-don't-tell in the paragraph that begins, "Sitting in the next booth, I was stunned." Here you have an opportunity to show emotion through the use of gestures or words or even tears, anything to demonstrate anger and frustration. This is the peak of your story, as I see it. Give us a crescendo of action that moves us and allows us to share his anguish over this grave injustice. Thanks for the opportunity to critique your work. Hope this helps. More later. Nolan Nice surprise at the conclusion of this story. The protagonist changes, always a prerequisite for a good story, thus enhancing our acceptance of him as one of us. It also taps a universal theme of forgiveness and redemption. But allow me a few minor corrections in the story. Okay is wrongly spelled OK earlier. Also, at the beginning of the fourth paragraph (My pot holed, rutted, twisting road) could be eliminated. I kept re-reading it, wondering why his pot had holes in it. It’s a distraction. And at the end of that same paragraph, say “I was grateful” so that a better transition can be made to the next paragraph where you could open by saying, “Until last week when I was sitting….”
I don’t like “But wait. There’s more to the story.” It reminds me of some actor during a movie who turns and looks straight into the camera, addressing the viewer during a story. Only Steve Martin could get away with that.
Again, it’s distracting.
Another suggestion relates to show-don’t-tell in the paragraph that begins, “Sitting in the next booth, I was stunned.” Here you have an opportunity to show emotion through the use of gestures or words or even tears, anything to demonstrate anger and frustration. This is the peak of your story, as I see it. Give us a crescendo of action that moves us and allows us to share his anguish over this grave injustice.
Thanks for the opportunity to critique your work. Hope this helps. More later.
Nolan

]]> http://www.reillymaginn.com/2008/11/03/grateful/comment-page-1/#comment-6 Linda Anderson Mon, 24 Nov 2008 04:48:27 +0000 http://www.reillymaginn.com/?p=75#comment-6 This was very O'Henry like. Actually it had a double twist at the end. The knowing and the accepting. This was very O’Henry like. Actually it had a double twist at the end. The knowing and the accepting.

]]> http://www.reillymaginn.com/2008/11/03/grateful/comment-page-1/#comment-2 Reilly Tue, 18 Nov 2008 03:09:18 +0000 http://www.reillymaginn.com/?p=75#comment-2 Help us out by leaving a comment! Help us out by leaving a comment!

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